Ellen is trying to kill me

It's true! It must be! Two death attempts only a week apart confirm it! First last week she gave me a heart attack with the surprise "party," and then on Saturday, she repeatedly challenged me to sword duels and caused me to injure my hand severely! I mean, sure, the duel was on WiiSports and the hand injury came when I actually managed to beat her, flung my arms up in a victory motion, and hit my hand against the low ceiling... but the point is, I'm beginning to think that she's a serious health threat to me!