The patriotic explosions of the recent holiday reminded me of some of my favorite holidays. Of course there are the holidays everyone celebrates, like the Fourth, Halloween, or Arbor Day (extended broadly to include all plants ... see also: the joy of data). But my most favorite holiday ever* is one you've probably never heard of: All Holes Day.
No, it's not a religious holiday like All Saints Day or All Souls Day. Well, I suppose if you're St. Carlos celebrating with holy snark, it could become one. But in general, not so much.
August 5th marks one full year of combined sucking for my good friends the Black Holes. In my deeply personal day of remembrance**, I plan to celebrate by wearing black ... baking and eating chocolate chip cookies ... dispensing doom via St. Petersburg, Doppelkopf, or (if necessary) video games ... looking up at the night sky and pondering all the black parts where black holes might be ... and using rhetoric in crafty ways.
Surely I will win one of the booby prizes for best celebrant or best blog post about the holiday! Perhaps I even will be granted a puffy-painted talisman of awesome!
I am so confident that I invite competition from my friends and enemies. Surely you cannot defeat me!
* in honor of people with astronomical names. No comment on what happens if they institute a Halle Berry Day.
** Of course, my desire to win a frightening prize does not tarnish the sincerity of my celebration. For, lo, it is the spirit of the season!
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