2007 Resolutions

Here are my New Year's Resolutions:

-Nutrition: Time to start eating better, so I am going to double my chocolate intake this year.

-Exercise: I am finally going to try salsa dancing with my friends. But I really don't want to go by myself, so I won't go until Tina and Alan finally try it as well. It'd also be nice if Katie, Anne, and Lisa were there so that they can be subjected to my salsa move experiments. And I'd really like it if Rob went and wore pink tights so that someone at the club will feel more embarrassed than I will.

- Work: I will finish my thesis. Actually, that's probably a bit too ambitious.

- Personal: This time, for real, I will grow a handlebar mustache.

- Hobbies: I will finally beat Carl at St. Petersburg!

What I want for Christmas

• A new rug that doesn't make everyone who sits on it sneeze
• Membership to Hair Club for Men so I can get my handlebar moustache to grow
• Straight As
• Victory against Carl at St. Petersburg
• A teleporter device so I can come and go from East Lansing as I please
• A green thumb

Ability meme

You bold anything you can do, italicize anything you wish you could do, and add one new skill you're proud of to the end.

+ Use chopsticks
+ Speak more than one language
+ Roll my tongue
+ Play a musical instrument
+ Name every single pokemon character
+ Sing in tune
+ Use html
+ Cross my eyes
+ Put both feet behind my head
+ Ride a horse
+ Swim
+ Shuffle playing cards with a fancy move
+ Move and wiggle my eyebrows independently of each other
+ Play chess and win
+ Ride a bike
+ Drive
+ Do long division in my head
+ Draw quite convincingly
+ Bake cakes (anyone want one?)
+ Stand on my head
+ Do cartwheels
+ Spell Czechoslovakia without having to look it up first
+ Identify any garden bird
+ Mix a mean cocktail
+ Read music
+ Style hair like a professional (that's why mine is always so stylish)
+ Tell the difference between Prada and nada at a glance
+ Whistle
+ Recite whole passages from the Lord Of The Rings books by heart
+ Remember birthdays and anniversaries without being reminded
+ Tap dance
+ Defuse an argument easily
+ Nurse any sick plant back to health (it would come in handy for my research)
+ Cook anything
+ Forgive quickly (it comes in handy for my non-blog authors)
+ Train a dog
+ Commit things to memory without effort
+ Stick my big toe up and my little toes down
+ Freakishly bend my double-jointed thumb
+ Remove any stain
+ Do anything with makeup
+ Open jars without trouble
+ Charm the pants off people (especially my committee members)
+ Hold my breath for a minute
+ Roller-skate
+ Understand Shakespeare
+ Listen
+ Sew curtains
+ Decipher morse code
+ Click my fingers
+ Complete crossword puzzles
+ Finish a book once I start it
+ Fold napkins into pretty fan shapes
+ Crochet scarves (anyone want one?)
+ Cheer people up
+ Write multi-chapter fan fic stories
+ Rock at Six Degrees of Separation
+ Tell a debit from a credit in general ledger accounting
+ Solve legal problems and say 'yes, the answer would be yes, but it all depends you see...'
+ Teach
+ Teach real estate agents
+ Repair a bicycle puncture
+ Assemble flat packed furniture
+ Wiggle my ears without touching them
+ Type over 60 words per minute
+ Run a nuclear reactor (bwa ha ha ha!)
+ Take ugly writing and make it pretty
+ Confidently talk about sports with anyone
+ Write moving blog entries

My reader list grows...

I have recently been informed that certain members of my graduate committee have been reading (and enjoying!) my non-blog. This is wonderful news for non-bloggers everywhere! It is such an honor that my professors want to know what I have to not-say. I am so proud of my non-blog!

I shall never eat again

Greetings, my beloved readers; I trust you have had as (ful)filling a Thanksgiving as I myself have enjoyed. Now, if you will excuse me, I must go be de-juiced like Violet Beauregard lest I suffer the same fate as George.

Getting my money's worth

This past summer, I was shopping for a coffee table. My good friend Emily and I stopped at a garage sale, which was run by a poor defenseless lady in a wheelchair. This helpless, kindly woman wanted an outrageous sum of money for her coffee table, so I began to bargain with her. With Emily making helpful comments such as “You know Todd, it really is a nice coffee table,” I managed to use my hardnosed bargaining abilities to fleece the little old lady and obtain my coffee table for a steal! So, if you ever need someone to help you rip off old ladies in wheelchairs, I'm your man!

A new goal

See this guy on the picture at the right? Doesn't he look stylish? In my opinion, his fab look isn't due to the suit he's wearing or his enviable posture. I'm convinced that his primo appearance is a direct result of...his handlebar mustache.

So I've made a decision. Once I successfully pass my comps, I too will join the ranks of this fellow. I will grow a handlebar mustache.

It will be difficult at times; it's not exactly the current fashion trend. But I've never felt a need to be trendy, and I'm willing to go a long way to prove that to the world.

So I am asking a favor from you, my faithful non-blog readers. If you see me turning my back on this goal of mine; if you see me mustache-less the next time we meet, remind me of how I've erred in my ways.

Halfway to comprehensive completion

If I were the kind of person to keep a blog, I would use this opportunity to let everyone know that I've successfully (I hope) completed my written comprehensive exams. My orals are coming up in a week or so. Wish me luck!

Also remember to come to my post-comps party on Saturday Nov 4. A good time will be had by all! More details to follow.

In honor of one full month of not-blogging, some inspiration:

If only comps were so easy.

Is your understanding of my situation comprehensive?

Well, I'm heading into a week of many exams. Please wish me luck!

I wanted to let you know about the exams because I'm going to be pretty busy over the next week. As a result, I won't be blogging often. Wait. Maybe I will be blogging often.

Hm, it seems like this non-blog thing can get pretty complicated. And unpredictable.

Throwing down the (chocolate) gauntlet!

I hereby challenge Katie W to a chocolate eating contest!

I was severely disappointed when I learned that after all these years of claiming to be a chocoholic, she is really a chocolate lightweight! Indeed, Saturday night she had the chance to drink a delicious mug of homemade hot chocolate, and she failed miserably! Lindsey and Carl both had finished their mugs before Katie even finished half of hers.

Now I know that I am the true champion of chocolate eating, and I will crush Katie the pretender when we meet on the field of battle!

feeling zen-like

In the spirit of zen, the art of nothingness, I, Todd the Blogless, give you the art of blog.

Feeling blue

So for the most part lately, life has been good. Sorta hectic with studying and all, but still good.

But, I do have one gripe. I travel to campus occasionally, but I never truly enjoy my time there. Why, you ask? Well, because I just can't find anyone to play racquetball with me. Racquetball is so much fun that there should be a line of people just waiting by the racquetball courts for me! But alas, no one comes.

And how does that make me feel? How, you ask?

I feel like a small object -- a tiny sphere just floating in a large space. And the tiny sphere is blue, because I feel blue. So yeah, I feel like a tiny blue sphere inside a large, hollow-sounding space. Sometimes it even feels like I'm being tossed about; bounced off of walls. On the worst days, I feel like people are hitting me -- using all of their force to slam me into walls, only to try to hit me again as I bounce back.

Sigh. Maybe someday, someone will play racquetball with me.

I here at toddtheblogless dot blogspotdot com always have the best interests of you, the reader, at heart. Since I started not blogging, I have gotten many pieces of fan mail from my wide readership and have thus decided that it is time to start responding to my loyal fans. That's right, kids: it's time for the toddtheblogless dot blogspot dot com question of the day week whenever I get around to it. Just send in your fanmail, inquiries, and all checks and money orders, and you too can have your name and letter featured here on toddtheblogless dot blogspot dot you get the idea.

This week's piece of fanmail comes from Dave from Duluth, Minnesota:

Hi Todd, been a huge fan of your not-blog since 1997. Where did you come up with the idea of a not-blog?

Well, Dave, that's an interesting question, especially since I've only been not-blogging for a week and a half now. Really, at heart, I always knew I'd grow up to be a not-blogger. I remember thinking back in 6th grade when Connie Mumford turned me down for the third time that, you know, I really ought to go home and not blog about this. And when I went through my angsty goth phase two weeks later... well. You should have seen all of the not-blog posts I wrote back then. Whilst others were writing their epic poems about how they were so mad at their parents and all hail lord Korrock, I was busy not-posting my own. As you can see, by the time I reached my twenties, I was finally ready to begin a not-blog all of my own.

And now I ask you this: why the heck does everybody always write in from Duluth?

That's it for today's infrequently asked question! See y'all next time at toddtheohwhatever.

Late-night musings

You know, it's really interesting to not blog. Lately, I've been pondering the intricacies that are involved with not blogging. Here are some of my thoughts:

First, it makes me realize how many people are interested in my life. Not having a blog intrinsically makes me more mysterious. Maybe I can find a good way to exploit this...bwa ha ha! Oh, sorry -- that was Tamerlane speaking.

Second, sticking with the Tamerlane theme, it seems like Tamerlane is more fiesty now that I've officially started a blog by not blogging. He's plotting all sorts of revenge tactics. Of course, he'll be pretty lucky to pull stunts past Ghengis. That Ghengis always foils my plans.

Finally, I now have a new component to my daily routine. Basically, because I don't blog, I have to check my blog for updates on my life. Is it weird that I learn things about my life by visiting my blog that I use for not blogging? Wait, did that even make sense?

My mastercard commercial

If I had a mastercard commercial, it might go something like this:

Transportation to and from game night: $12
Food to keep me awake for the long car drive: $4
Food to keep me awake in lab meeting the next morning: $2

Beating Carl at St. Petersburg: Priceless.

Ye win some, ye lose some, arr...

Arrr, thar's not much t' do down at Kbs, so I took a break from studyin' for my comps t' play Saint Petersburg. Since I don't mightily have any friends down thar who be nearly at my caliber for this game, I decided the only way Me would get a good match and preparation for my lifelong goal o' defeatin' my nemesis would be t' challenge the only players around who be as good, and as handsome I might add, as Me am.

So me, myself, I, and Todd sat down t' play a game o' good-old Saint Petersbug. Thin's progressed as usual durin' the openin' green phase, but me was a little worried when myself got that lucky obser'atory in the blue phase, usin' it t' take from the green deck in the first two rounds as Captain Carl always said to. Meanwhile, Todd was keepin' an eye on I who drew a Mistress in the orange phase and had just enough money t' play it out right away too. She's a pretty wench... wouldn't mind seein' more o' her... er, um... right, the game...

By round three, Todd managed t' get out four aristocrats, I had picked up the other obser'atory, myself was rakin' in the money, and me was lookin' a little bit behind the rest. No good upgrades came out durin' the third upgrade phase, so the board did be clogged a little. Combined with verily expensi'e buildin's, only one spot opened for an administrator in the fourth round, and me snatched up, e'enin' himself out with the rest o' the pack. Thin's went about status quo until the 6th round, whar myself went on a buildin' spree big enough t' trigger endgame. Todd picked up two more aristrocrats this round, brin'in' his mighty up t' 7 unique/8 'nall, and got the lucky draw on the upgrade phase t' gi'e him the win.

Final scores war: Todd 86, me 80, I 75, myself 72. A good game by e'eryon!

In honor of ... me, I guess ... I give you 100 reasons not to blog.

Don't use them all in one place. :)

Hi, I'm Todd the Blogless. You may remember me from such blogs as "Abort, Retry, Fail" or "La vache est fachée ... et la fille est triste."

Actually, I don't have a blog. But if I did, it might look something like this.

I suppose for my first non-blog post, I should tell you a bit about myself. I live in the green wilderness of Michigan with a bunch of other scientists. Sometimes we play soccer.

I study plant behavior. It sounds like that should be easier than studying the behavior of humans or animals, but it's not. You try interviewing a conifer and see how easy it is.

When I'm not buried in research (or sometimes even when I am), I enjoy strategy games. Well, "enjoy," "am obsessed with beating Carl at St. Petersburg," whatever. What some people call obsession I call healthy competition. (Now with 20% more treachery! No, wait, that's Shadows. If I could ever get to be the traitor.)

Happy not-blogging, everyone.

This is it, ladies and gents: the one and only Todd the Blogless has a... blog? Well, a blog in his honor, at least. A late-night sleep-depraved... er, deprived... discussion has, in fact, spawned a blog in honor of Todd the Blogless. Why? Because when you have insomnia, everything seems like a great idea.